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Why hire an artist to name your baby When you’re trying to make a lasting decision with your partner, sometimes it’s helpful to bring in a ringer. Seven years ago my partner, Powers, and I needed to have our house re-sided. Part of that process was choosing what color our house would be painted, a decision we would live with (and in) for decades, maybe the rest of our lives. One challenge of deciding on a house color is that the options are infinite. A more particular-to-us problem is that we have very distinct visual preferences. Powers wanted to paint the house beige (beige!). I wanted to paint the house either monochrome black (to scare the neighborhood children) or bright purple (to delight them). The overlap in the Venn diagram of how each of us thought our house should look, well, there was no overlap. We were two separate circles. After weeks of negotiations and many trips to the paint shop, we were no closer to a decision. Meanwhile, a team of workers was ripping off our old, rotting siding while listening to Imagine Dragons very loudly on their boombox. Time was running out. I proposed a solution: could we choose a neutral third party to help us? What if we asked our friend, Kari, an industrial designer with an astounding eye for color? Can you trust Kari to narrow down the infinite possibilities, I asked? Powers relented. He was so tired of thinking about color combinations (but not tired enough to paint the house black). Dear, patient, genius Kari came to our rescue. She asked us questions, got a sense of our parameters, and within a few days handed over our options, narrowed down to a handful of paint chips. Blues, ivories, goldenrods. It was so easy from there. We mixed and matched and made a final decision with just days to spare. We never would have made such a good decision without an intercessor. We never would have picked those colors on our own, but they were the right ones. The house looks great in a way neither of us could have imagined (dragons). Sometimes you just need someone else to ask you the right questions, assess the parameters, and narrow your options so that you can make a decision that you’ll be happy about for decades. This is the spirit in which I offer baby naming services. Maybe you are spinning your wheels. Maybe you and your partner are two separate circles floating in space. Maybe you want to buy someone a distinctive baby shower gift. I’m a good question-asker with a trove of uncommon and lyrical names. I can help. I’ll write again in a month. Your pal, Breesa
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